Marily Arteaga
Mrs. Boresen
Expository Writing
Winter Break Narrative
1-13-09
A Dog’s day out
Christmas was a fun day for me and my family. The day before Christmas was really busy for me. I had many things to do that day. But I focused on one thing, gift shopping. And not just
for anyone, but for the most commonly forgotten ones, the dogs.
In many households, dogs are just that, dogs. But in some households, like mine, they aren’t just dogs; they are part of the family. So I like taking my two dogs out “shopping”. Now I know you are thinking right now that I’m weird and strange, for loving my dogs. I like to pay them back for all the fun times we have together. But I love my dogs for many reasons, especially my poodle, which has saved my life many times before. So I think I need to pay my dogs back for all that cool adventures we have had.
The morning before Christmas day, I got my dogs ready for a day out. I groomed them, put their sweaters on, got their leashes and off we went. We hit the two big main stores, Petco and Petsmart. We stopped at Petsmart first. There we stocked up on treats and toys. Then we headed off to Petco. At Petco we stocked up on grooming supplies, cleaning supplies, and more treats. I spent a little over $230 dollars that day. And my dogs loved all the extra attention they got from people at each store. With the “how cute they are” “so sweet and well trained they are” complements from all the people at each store. So that made my dogs day, oh and with all the little kids getting to pet them. At the end we went back home, my dogs ate and went to bed, tired and sleepy.
Although, Many people just see dogs as dogs, I don’t. I see them as really good friends. And ad you can tell I love my dogs, and they return the favor by being there for me. And I will always remember the day they got to go shopping. With their curious minds, noses to the ground, tails wagging, cuddly bodies, and their cuteness all over the place. Sending smiles on peoples faces, turning that bad day into a warm and happy day for someone. What a fun day that was for all of us, and I’m sure my dogs will remember this day as well.
Christmas was a fun day for me and my family. The day before Christmas was really busy for me. I had many things to do that day. But I focused on one thing, gift shopping. And not just
for anyone, but for the most commonly forgotten ones, the dogs.
In many households, dogs are just that, dogs. But in some households, like mine, they aren’t just dogs; they are part of the family. So I like taking my two dogs out “shopping”. Now I know you are thinking right now that I’m weird and strange, for loving my dogs. I like to pay them back for all the fun times we have together. But I love my dogs for many reasons, especially my poodle, which has saved my life many times before. So I think I need to pay my dogs back for all that cool adventures we have had.
The morning before Christmas day, I got my dogs ready for a day out. I groomed them, put their sweaters on, got their leashes and off we went. We hit the two big main stores, Petco and Petsmart. We stopped at Petsmart first. There we stocked up on treats and toys. Then we headed off to Petco. At Petco we stocked up on grooming supplies, cleaning supplies, and more treats. I spent a little over $230 dollars that day. And my dogs loved all the extra attention they got from people at each store. With the “how cute they are” “so sweet and well trained they are” complements from all the people at each store. So that made my dogs day, oh and with all the little kids getting to pet them. At the end we went back home, my dogs ate and went to bed, tired and sleepy.
Although, Many people just see dogs as dogs, I don’t. I see them as really good friends. And ad you can tell I love my dogs, and they return the favor by being there for me. And I will always remember the day they got to go shopping. With their curious minds, noses to the ground, tails wagging, cuddly bodies, and their cuteness all over the place. Sending smiles on peoples faces, turning that bad day into a warm and happy day for someone. What a fun day that was for all of us, and I’m sure my dogs will remember this day as well.
Marily: Your essay had a lack of focus. I wish that you would have told one story about one thing that happened to you. I also feel that your voice was not as strong at is could be. Your sentence variety and word choice really made your paper a little dry. I think that when you start writing essays that make you have one focus, it will help you.
ReplyDeleteAudience and Purpose: 3
Format: 4
total 45/50 90%
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMarily: I can really tell you love your dogs, they're cute. I think you should have focused more on what happend. You talked too much about the dogs,which is not a bad thing. I like how you care so much about your dogs, i love animals. How many dogs do you have?
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story, it was cool to hear about how much you like to give back. I to agree with you that dogs should be more of a family member rather then just a pet. I think next time you schould focus more on how your gonna structure your paper. I just saw a few spelling errors in there so nothing proofreading wont fix.
ReplyDeleteMarily: I can tell you love your dogs very much, but your story was hard to follw. You need to work more on your sentence structure. You did do a great job telling every little detail. I can relate to you because I am also an animal lover as well and bought some toys for my pets:) My favorite part was when you put sweaters on them! That was cute. Did you have any money left to buy presents for your family??
ReplyDelete